Moving right along

Well, not entirely sure how to format when posting directly on to my blog, but as I am in an unusual situation this will just have to do for now.

Before I go any further, I would just like to leave a message for anyone new to my blog.  Yes, I am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse and that topic is central to my blog.  It isn't necessary to go back to the beginning of the blog and read all the postings, but it would certainly help to put things into perspective and give a much clearer picture of who I am and why.  So...

My journey as a Survivor continues.  To bring this blog up to date, here is a run down of where I am now and how I ended up here.

First of all - where am I?  Afghanistan.  Or to be more precise Camp Bastion in Afghanistan.  And that naturally leads to the question of how I ended up here.

Well, it must have become blatantly obvious to everyone who knows me by now or who has been following my story so far, that I have exceptionally low self-esteem.  I feel valueless and like a waste of space most of the time and to compensate I do things to help other people, even if it is only to make them smile.  By doing that, I then feel that I am worth something.  Yes, yes, yes, I have been told hundreds of times that I am better than that, but no matter how hard I try I just can't believe it.

So, I heard about a job that involved working in the shops on military bases in Afghanistan.  Upon investigating it, I found that the whole ethos of the organisation (which I cannot name) is to bring a little bit of home to troops serving in war zones overseas.  Staff are recruited as much for their skills as for their personalities and their outlook on life.  A prerequisite is an ability to smile and listen, no matter how difficult the situation.

I jumped at the opportunity and after a six month battle with illness, here I am.  And I am awestruck!!  How could someone like me be given such an amazing opportunity?  At first, upon landing here, everything seemed somewhat surreal.  Then, whilst travelling by bus between camps I witnessed a casualty being flown in ... suddenly where I was became all too real.  Up to that point, despite a number of explosions and the constant sound of aircraft, 24 hours a day, I felt more like I was on holiday! 

Even more sobering, the next day when Op Minimise was announced - a soldier had died and all our lines of communication with the world outside camp were terminated until his or her family had been notified.  I almost held my breath for the next few hours, waiting for Op Minimise to be declared over, thinking of that poor family, receiving such devastating news whilst we all lived another day thinking only of ourselves.  It has certainly made me think.