Realisations

Quite an unusual day today and I spent quite a lot of time contemplating what has happened in my life.  But it wasn't until later in the day that I had something of an epiphany.  Not sure whether that is the right word to use in this context, but at the moment it is the best I can come up with.

I was sitting outside in the smoking area, along with a couple of colleagues and a number of men from our camp.  One young man in particular was having a discussion with one of our girls about events in his past and how they have affected his life today.  His words, 'I want to go back and change what I did' struck quite a chord with me.  I have spent so many years wishing that I could go back and change what happened to me.  And yet tonight, for the first time ever, I realised that is no longer what I want.

It sounds strange, I know, so let me try and explain.

I am who I am today, because of all that I have been through and how it has affected me.  My new love of life and confidence stems from my experiences since my 'attempt'.  I am finally happy with who I am and accept my past as part and parcel of that whole person.  Yes, the pain I have suffered through the years was hard to bear, for me and for those around me.  But looking at where and who I am today,  it was worth it.

So a piece of advice for anyone reading this - accept your past.  The good, the bad and the downright painful.  Every little part of it builds the person you are and I firmly believe that the harder your past, the stronger you will ultimately become.  Embrace the pain, know that it will pass and don't be too busy bemoaning your fate, that you miss the strength that is growing within you.