Onwards and Upwards

My life has changed so much over the last few years, I can honestly say that I no longer recognise myself.  I love the new me - confident, happy and secure in myself.  Who would have thought that I would ever apply those words to myself?  Certainly not me!

The abuse I suffered as a child still bothers me.  It is part of who I am and always will be.  But rather than ruling my life, the abuse is now just a factor that has shaped me.  I will always be on the lookout for other victims and survivors, but the need to prove myself worthy to the outside world is no longer the overriding thing in my life.

As such, I have grabbed at opportunities that were presented to me and made the most of them.  The two big things in my life now, other than my sons of course, are my amateur theatre group and my new discovery - Aerial Gymnastics.  Who would have thought?  I am 47 years old and I have taken up a new hobby which is mentally and physically challenging.  And I am absolutely loving it.

For those who don't already know, Aerial Gymnastics is what those people do who hang from silks, hoops, rings or a trapeze.  My favourite is the hoop.  We have had a hard time forming a relationship, I will admit.  My first experience ended in me quite literally throwing up as a result of a combination of the motion and the physical exertion.  The following day I was covered in bruises from the unforgiving contact with the hoop and I discovered muscles in places I didn't even know I had!  But rather than run a mile, I decided to take on the challenge.  Never again will I allow anything to stop me if there is even the slightest chance that I can conquer it.

And six months later, my love affair with the hoop is moving along nicely.  I can now hang upside down, spin around and the strength I have built up amazes me.  I am still very much a beginner, but am ready to move on to the next level.  And instead of being nervous or insecure, I am excited.  Bring it on!

It just goes to prove that there is most definitely life after being a victim of Child Sexual Abuse and the abuse need not define the victim.  Taking control of your life and realising that you can in fact take control is possible.  I'm not saying it's been easy and I certainly will never forget or forgive, but I can live with it now and that realisation is what has changed my life.