Thinking!

I’ve been thinking quite a lot since my last blog post, about the fact that now I am feeling so much happier and more confident, I am telling fewer people about the issues from my past.  In the main, I rarely mention these days that I am, in fact, a Chronic Depressive.

And while I am sure I will continue to thrive, I wonder how I would cope if the rug was suddenly pulled out from underneath me.  For example, right now my job is my life.  It fulfils the need in me to serve others and almost every day something comes along to reinforce the knowledge that what I am doing makes a positive difference to other people.

I know my boys are doing okay back home without me.  I have the support of all those who really matter to me and many I would never have expected it from.

But what if things go badly wrong?  Am I strong enough yet to deal with it?  Especially when I am so far away from all those who know me, who may recognise the signs and who could possibly pull me back from the edge if it comes to that.

So, I think about it and wonder whether I should be ensuring that those around me over here are aware of where I have been and what could happen.  Should I take a few people into my confidence and spill the whole sorry story?  And give them some idea of what to watch out for?  Or would that be feeding back into the guilt I’d most likely feel, because people are worried about me?

And of course, it all comes back to the question – have I come far enough from the brink to ensure that I won’t fall over the edge again?