Memories from the Theatre

The theatre of course has also been at the forefront of my memories.  

This is probably linked to the fact that I have recently ventured back into that arena.  Last week, another member of the group called me by a nickname that I had not heard for many years and so much came pouring into my mind.

My parents named me after a famous dancer from the 1950’s, someone I have admired for many years.  This dancer had the most phenomenal legs and featured in many a hit movie of the time.  Before the birth of my children, I was also the lucky owner of a fine set of pins.  As a result, many in the theatre called me by her first name.

Thoughts were flooding through my head and I came to a major realisation.  Not only did I have the two Bella’s, but there was a third me.  But unlike the other Bella, this persona was real.  Neither Bella was worth anything to anyone, not even the other Bella, but it didn’t matter.  I knew the other Bella was not real and therefore did not count.

With the other Bella, it even got to the point where I started to create a whole new background for her, with younger siblings who loved her and looked up to her.  A family who cared about whether she lived or died and looked out for her.  This Bella was worth something, but totally fake.  She was merely someone to hide behind so that people did not see how worthless and dirty I was.

With my theatre personality who emerged during my teens, everything was different.  In the theatre I was good at what I did – I could dance, I could sing, I could act.  There was no way I could allow this person to become tainted by what had happened with Alex.  So, as time went by she became more real and on stage, I was her.  This of course is why the theatre was so good for me. 

I became this other person and when I went home, I took a part of her with me.  This made me stronger and began the process of burying the memories of what had happened with Alex.  If I could forget about it, it would be as though it had never happened. 

The buried memories are surfacing, but so is my theatre personality.  And in my view, this is a good thing.  Because she is a strong and capable person and most likely the person I would have been without Alex.