Naturally, with my dancing training and ability I was a good mover and I used this to the utmost. I could walk onto a dance floor and people knew I was there. People noticed. Just as it was on the stage. I had a presence. And again, inside my mind I could be someone else. I even took to creating a different life for myself, different experiences, different background.
This further developed until I started creating a whole new story.
The belief that without a man, I was nothing, spurred me on. I needed a man in my life to be someone, to be anyone.
And so, at school my friends were told that I had a boyfriend in Redcliff. A man who loved me and cared for me and treated me wonderfully. When returning to Redcliff, friends and family were told that I had a boyfriend at school, one meeting the same description as that provided to my friends at school. I became adept at embellishing and creating all sorts of experiences. I desperately wanted to fit in. I so wanted to be like all the other girls, but knew deep down that this was impossible. Because I knew that I did not deserve it.
My sense of self-worth decreased as the years passed, to a point where I knew that I was nothing. No matter what happened I would never be worthy of love.
No comments:
Post a Comment