Twins!!

The twins were born on 6^th November 1988, three and a half weeks early.  The birth was not without its drama’s but again, that is a whole different story.  I was complete at last.  My two baby boys were healthy and a good weight and now I had something in my life that needed me.  Not just needed me every now and again, but needed me for everything.  I could not figure out what I had done to deserve this blessing.

I finally thought my life was on the right track.  I had gained some weight during the pregnancy, which came as something of a shock, especially when a new neighbour popped in to introduce herself and asked me when my baby was due.  As yet, this weight was not an issue – I was still too wrapped up in the twins. 

They became my whole life, my whole existence, the one positive thing that I could cling on to.  I lavished them with the love that I had craved all my life and for the time being, I was content.  My life was moving in a positive direction.  Alex was gone, I had someone to love me and gorgeous twin boys to hold on to. 

It wasn’t as though my insecurities had disappeared, but rather that they were masked by my current circumstances.  I still suffered from a total lack of self-confidence and would not have dared to venture out without either my boys or my husband as a shield between me and the rest of the world.  No-one could reach me to hurt me and that gave me a false sense of security.

I revelled in my changed circumstances and thoroughly enjoyed taking care of my family.  I still struggled with what I perceived to be the lack of love from my parents and still persisted in the belief that they did not love me nor want me around.  This had changed slightly and I had now convinced myself that the only reason my parents tolerated me was because they loved the twins.  And dote on them they did.