Positivity

Over the last few days, I have spent a lot of time thinking about how my entire mindset has changed over the last few years. Back before I reached the point when I believed that my life was a burden to myself and to those around me, I somehow failed to see or appreciate the positive aspects of my life. Now it seems that the reverse is true and for this I am truly thankful. Whereas before, all that I had been through overwhelmed me and stole my entire focus, I now actually find myself searching out the positive in every situation, no matter how bad. And amazingly enough, to me anyway, every situation has a positive side. You just have to take the time to find it.

To see how massive the effect of this mindset is, I look at the examples of two close friends. Both have been through some pretty rough times, lost loved ones and sunk into that dark place where there just doesn't seem to be any hope. But the way they have dealt with it is completely opposite. One found her way to the positive side, waking up each day and searching out the things that she could be grateful for. She lives her life focussing on the positives. This is not to say that there aren't any negatives in her life, but she chooses to look the other way. As a result, she has a full and happy life, with a large circle of friends who genuinely care about her and love spending time in her company.

On the opposite side, my other friend is almost entirely focussed on the negative things in her life. And she has spiralled out of control. Depression has a grip on her and her life seems to be a constant struggle. Many of her friends have had to take a step back from her. I know that sounds awful, but it is a sad fact. Negativity has a downward affect on those who come into contact with it. As friends, we have tried everything we can think of to help her deal with things, but to no avail. So to protect ourselves, we have had to excuse ourselves from her life. Her total focus on the negative side of her life is not only isolating her from those who care about her, but it is also preventing her from seeing the positives.

I know how hard it is to alter a negative mindset, but I am also aware that you have to want to do it. Acknowledging that the negativity is a problem is the first step and that is then followed by the necessity to be willing to make the effort. It doesn't just happen and takes time and perseverance, but eventually it becomes a habit.

No matter what the situation now, I find it easier and easier to find the positive side. It also helps that I firmly believe that you cannot fully appreciate the good stuff without the bad. Just like the night sky – the stars would not look half as beautiful if the sky wasn't so dark – you don't see them during the day do you? But they are still there.

Endings

Last night I couldn't sleep. It had suddenly dawned on me that my life is rapidly approaching a major change and the environment in which I have thrived over the last few years is about to be ripped away. And this got me to thinking about my past, my present and my future. What lies ahead, I wonder? Can I continue to grow once I am back in the real world? Because really, this place is a long, long way from reality.

During my time here in the sand, I have lived in a world where we are forcibly thrust together and have very little choice but to get along with each other. Those who fail to do so, don't last very long. And of course, the ever present risk only heightens our perceptions of the relationships that we form, giving us a false sense of closeness.

And sadly, I have realised that it is false. Not in the sense that we don't really care about each other, because we do. But it's false because once we are removed back to our home countries, it evaporates. Not deliberately, but through necessity. There is just no way for our loved one's who have not experienced this environment, how things are just so completely different here, to understand. I have made so many friends out here, from different walks of life and from countries spread across the world. But because of where we are and the reasons we are here, the relationships can only exist here.

How can a man explain to his wife that he has formed a strong friendship with another woman, without her feeling threatened by what they have shared? I'm not talking in any sexual sense of course, but when you have been forced together for six months or more, in a very close and sometimes dangerous environment, the links you form are different to those that you would develop in the real world. We depend on each other for so much more than just casual conversation. I have learned so much about the lives of the men and women I have met and spent time with out here, things that would not ordinarily be shared with those outside our family networks. Over the months, we spend hours talking about our lives, experiences and loved ones. It brings them closer to us all and helps us get through the day.

But I do not doubt for one second that only a few of them will return home and tell their wives and loved ones about me and my colleagues. In a way, I am more than a little jealous of my younger colleagues who tend to develop friendships with people their own age and by dint of that, people who do not have loved ones at home who would be threatened by the relationships. To be clear I am talking about spouses and partners.

What woman would feel comfortable meeting or hearing about another woman who has just spent six months out here with HER husband or boyfriend? How can that woman not feel some suspicion of what may have taken place? So the friendship is forsaken for the sake of a more important and enduring relationship, which leaves myself and my colleagues out in the cold.

I know many of my colleagues have committed as much of themselves to our role out here as I have and whilst I would not change it, it is painful to think that what we have given of ourselves will be locked away like some dirty little secret and on a personal level, we will be excluded from the lives of those we have grown to care about.