Yes! It's that time of year - Panto time!! I know I am truly back from Afghanistan now that rehearsals for our Pantomime have started. It's really strange that I've been home for eight months, but it is only now that it is really starting to sink in. I've been busy with a play, then a musical with my AmDram group, I'm working full time and of course there's my Aerial Gymnastics - but it is the start of Panto rehearsals that has made it real.
First rehearsal last night was 'interesting'. The casting went as I anticipated and I am pleased to say that I am in the dancing chorus. I have never attempted to join in with the dancers before because of my weight, but thanks to Aerial I feel I've lost a sufficient amount to be able to deport myself gracefully! Notwithstanding of course, any weight loss over the next few months. I'm also in the singing chorus, but for me that is not so much of a challenge as it is a bit of fun.
The dancing is the thing. I have not danced properly in years as I've felt pretty self-conscious about my weight. I am sure part of that was connected with my low self-esteem. I know I have always been an accomplished dancer, but it is a little frightening returning to it after so many years. But if I don't do it now, I don't think I ever will. I'm most definitely not as slender as I was when I was younger, but I am hoping that with society's views having altered so much over the years, that won't be an issue. In fact, it was probably only ever an issue in my eyes...
Not entirely sure what dancing we are going to be doing - the only one I'm sure of is a tap number! That will most definitely stretch my abilities, as it is the discipline that has evolved the most, especially recently. The style is so much looser now and definitely more relaxed, so I am going to have to fight the inclination to 'present', with a straight spine, stretched neck, shoulders pushed back, etc. But isn't that really what my journey is all about? Working with the hand I have been dealt and turning it into something positive? Challenge accepted!!
Thursday 8 October 2015
Tuesday 6 October 2015
33 Years Later: Looking to the future
33 Years Later: Looking to the future: Well, I know that I've said it before, but I definitely think it is time that I moved this blog along. My life is definitely no longer ...
Looking to the future
Well, I know that I've said it before, but I definitely think it is time that I moved this blog along. My life is definitely no longer about the fact that I survived Child Sexual Abuse. Who I am will always be as a result of what I suffered, but I've moved so far from who I was when I started this blog that it seems ridiculous to keep the focus on that suffering.
Instead, I want to celebrate where I am now. The objective of my blog initially was to reach out to others who had been abused and to provide information to those who might know other victims. Because of that I have clung on to the theme of abuse within my blog, but it is becoming harder and harder to find anything to say! And that is a good thing.
I got to thinking about whether I should shut down this blog and start another. But then it struck me - the abuse is a huge part of who I am today and probably what has driven me to take on new and interesting challenges in my life. So surely if I continue with this blog, but move it forward the central theme will still be relevant to other Survivors? Of course it will! If I can get through it, then maybe that will be a more positive message and an incentive for other's to use what they have been through to make their lives better, rather than allowing it to destroy them.
So, onwards and upwards. As I've said previously, I have taken up Aerial Gymnastics and of course, now that I am back home, have immersed myself in my local Amateur Theatre Group. These two activities are keeping me more than busy and added to my work and family, my life is full. You can now expect less posts about my past and more about my present.
I would love it if you join me on this continuing adventure and to any Survivors who happen to stumble across this blog remember - there is a future for you, you just have to reach out and take it!
Instead, I want to celebrate where I am now. The objective of my blog initially was to reach out to others who had been abused and to provide information to those who might know other victims. Because of that I have clung on to the theme of abuse within my blog, but it is becoming harder and harder to find anything to say! And that is a good thing.
I got to thinking about whether I should shut down this blog and start another. But then it struck me - the abuse is a huge part of who I am today and probably what has driven me to take on new and interesting challenges in my life. So surely if I continue with this blog, but move it forward the central theme will still be relevant to other Survivors? Of course it will! If I can get through it, then maybe that will be a more positive message and an incentive for other's to use what they have been through to make their lives better, rather than allowing it to destroy them.
So, onwards and upwards. As I've said previously, I have taken up Aerial Gymnastics and of course, now that I am back home, have immersed myself in my local Amateur Theatre Group. These two activities are keeping me more than busy and added to my work and family, my life is full. You can now expect less posts about my past and more about my present.
I would love it if you join me on this continuing adventure and to any Survivors who happen to stumble across this blog remember - there is a future for you, you just have to reach out and take it!
Wednesday 2 September 2015
33 Years Later: Onwards and Upwards
33 Years Later: Onwards and Upwards: My life has changed so much over the last few years, I can honestly say that I no longer recognise myself. I love the new me - confident, h...
Onwards and Upwards
My life has changed so much over the last few years, I can honestly say that I no longer recognise myself. I love the new me - confident, happy and secure in myself. Who would have thought that I would ever apply those words to myself? Certainly not me!
The abuse I suffered as a child still bothers me. It is part of who I am and always will be. But rather than ruling my life, the abuse is now just a factor that has shaped me. I will always be on the lookout for other victims and survivors, but the need to prove myself worthy to the outside world is no longer the overriding thing in my life.
As such, I have grabbed at opportunities that were presented to me and made the most of them. The two big things in my life now, other than my sons of course, are my amateur theatre group and my new discovery - Aerial Gymnastics. Who would have thought? I am 47 years old and I have taken up a new hobby which is mentally and physically challenging. And I am absolutely loving it.
For those who don't already know, Aerial Gymnastics is what those people do who hang from silks, hoops, rings or a trapeze. My favourite is the hoop. We have had a hard time forming a relationship, I will admit. My first experience ended in me quite literally throwing up as a result of a combination of the motion and the physical exertion. The following day I was covered in bruises from the unforgiving contact with the hoop and I discovered muscles in places I didn't even know I had! But rather than run a mile, I decided to take on the challenge. Never again will I allow anything to stop me if there is even the slightest chance that I can conquer it.
And six months later, my love affair with the hoop is moving along nicely. I can now hang upside down, spin around and the strength I have built up amazes me. I am still very much a beginner, but am ready to move on to the next level. And instead of being nervous or insecure, I am excited. Bring it on!
It just goes to prove that there is most definitely life after being a victim of Child Sexual Abuse and the abuse need not define the victim. Taking control of your life and realising that you can in fact take control is possible. I'm not saying it's been easy and I certainly will never forget or forgive, but I can live with it now and that realisation is what has changed my life.
The abuse I suffered as a child still bothers me. It is part of who I am and always will be. But rather than ruling my life, the abuse is now just a factor that has shaped me. I will always be on the lookout for other victims and survivors, but the need to prove myself worthy to the outside world is no longer the overriding thing in my life.
As such, I have grabbed at opportunities that were presented to me and made the most of them. The two big things in my life now, other than my sons of course, are my amateur theatre group and my new discovery - Aerial Gymnastics. Who would have thought? I am 47 years old and I have taken up a new hobby which is mentally and physically challenging. And I am absolutely loving it.
For those who don't already know, Aerial Gymnastics is what those people do who hang from silks, hoops, rings or a trapeze. My favourite is the hoop. We have had a hard time forming a relationship, I will admit. My first experience ended in me quite literally throwing up as a result of a combination of the motion and the physical exertion. The following day I was covered in bruises from the unforgiving contact with the hoop and I discovered muscles in places I didn't even know I had! But rather than run a mile, I decided to take on the challenge. Never again will I allow anything to stop me if there is even the slightest chance that I can conquer it.
And six months later, my love affair with the hoop is moving along nicely. I can now hang upside down, spin around and the strength I have built up amazes me. I am still very much a beginner, but am ready to move on to the next level. And instead of being nervous or insecure, I am excited. Bring it on!
It just goes to prove that there is most definitely life after being a victim of Child Sexual Abuse and the abuse need not define the victim. Taking control of your life and realising that you can in fact take control is possible. I'm not saying it's been easy and I certainly will never forget or forgive, but I can live with it now and that realisation is what has changed my life.
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