How is it that when you are talking to someone else, it is so easy to read the situation they are in, analyse the facts and suggest actions with a fair amount of accuracy? And yet, when it comes to your own personal circumstances, it is never, ever that simple.
Take the case of a friend of mine. She has had quite strong feelings for another friend for a number of years, even at one point letting him know that she perhaps hopes for more from the relationship than he does. She has been there for him through a few emotional upheavals and I know for a fact that she will continue to do so. And yet, despite the fact that she knows full well that he is pursuing relationships with other women she continues to hope that one day he will see what is right before his eyes and realise that she is the one for him. And all this despite the fact that he has never given her any indication that he feels anything more for her than friendship.
Why does this happen? She is a fairly switched on woman, who has been through a lot and dealt with it. She can help and advise other friends and always seems to hit the nail right on the head, but when it comes to her own personal relationships, she is an absolute mess. Is there some underlying reason why she actively pursues relationships with no strings and continues to hold her heart in abeyance for the one man who is looking elsewhere?
It really fascinates me. Like me, she is in a target rich environment, though probably not one that is conducive to building a lasting relationship. Nevertheless, even when the opportunity presents itself, she still seems to sabotage herself, hiding behind a facade of nonchalance.
Which brings me back to masks. I've realised I am actually still wearing a mask. I do truly feeling joy in my life and I am making the most of many of the opportunities that come my way. Mostly, I live life to the full and I've learnt to want what I have and appreciate it all to the full. But there is one part of me that is locked away from the world at large. That one part that if allowed out into the light of day could in fact, make my life complete or completely destroy everything I have worked so hard to achieve.
Sad isn't it? Maybe one day I will be able to fully acknowledge that side of me, but I'm not quite ready yet. Right now, I will just shelter the very core of myself and build a more stable foundation for a meaningful relationship in the future.
No comments:
Post a Comment