No, you don't know how I feel

Talking to a young squaddie today made me realise that no matter what your underlying problem there are still many parallels.

I’m not going to go into what his issue was, as that would be betraying what was told to me in confidence, but I can talk about the issues that it raised for me and how it relates to my own experiences.  It brings up the burning question – why do people believe that they know how you feel when they’ve been in a similar situation?  We are all unique; we feel things and react to situations differently.  And there are always contributing factors that differentiate one situation from another.

Okay, yes, I admit it – I am not the first one to have been sexually abused and as child and sadly, nor will I be the last.  But that does not mean that another victim would feel what I felt or react in the same way that I did/do.  I’m not trying to take away from the suffering of other victims, but my pain is unique to me.  You can have a basic understanding of what I feel, but you can never truly know.  That is not to say that I don’t appreciate it when someone offers me support and comfort, but it does mean that the eternal platitudes – I know how you feel, I’ve been there, etc – only result in the walls going up.

I would never have got to where I am now without the love and support of my friends and my boys, but ultimately the path to complete healing is mine alone to navigate.  I just hope that I can use what I have learned from my own experiences to ease the burden of even one person over here.  That is why I am here!  That is what keeps me going when the road ahead is dark.