Oh yes, at this stage of my life, the frequent tears were probably at their peak. I don’t know how many nights I lay in my bed and cried myself to sleep. Why could I not find someone to love me? I had convinced myself that my parents didn’t love me and had never wanted me. Not because of anything they had ever said or done. This is just another one of those things that I will probably never be able to make sense of.
But my reasoning now says that maybe it was because I believed that I was not worthy of their love, that I didn’t deserve it. Whatever the reason, this just deepened my sense of isolation.
School holidays were a particularly trying time. At that time in Redcliff, our local club held disco’s every Friday night, locally known as the Gogo Disco. The Gogo’s were hugely popular among the younger generation in our community and were well attended during the school holidays.
And they provided me with a veritable smorgasbord.
Looking back now, I know that I was an attractive young girl, with a lovely figure and some kind of sex appeal that didn’t seem to require any effort on my part. The boys were easy to catch, a different one each week. And each Monday I would wait for them to call, knowing deep down inside that the call would not come. Yet I kept on trying, because of my confusion and lack of understanding of the concept of love.
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